Some things when broken, are never back the same way

Sometimes when we are upset, loaded, sad, angry or in a hurry, we might break or lose valuable things in our life without taking notice except too late. Some take notice after the situation is over. Others take notice when damage is overwhelming and the case is closed. Some others don’t take notice at all, they always think that it is not their fault.

Being aware of all this didn’t make me immune form making such mistakes. Lately, I am always nervous, loaded, angry and sad, and it makes me blinded all the time. I found my self yelling at people whom I care for the most, usually for no reasonable reason. I am not able to listen to relatives’ or friends’ stories when they are upset, or at least I don’t listen the way I should. I am having bad temper and my reactions are sometimes rude or hurting. Sometimes I even seem inconsiderate and tough. When I reviewed it back, I found many situations that occurred where I should act differently.

I am always from those who notice when the situation is over. I usually correct my action afterwards or at least try to make things fine later on. Usually, I think of my self as a human being, someone who makes mistakes and try to correct them later and that is it. Life goes, and the same thing is repeated from time to time.

The problem is that I experienced this too many times the past couple of days, which means that I am ultimately not fine. I shock my self with words that I say and tunes I speak through, but the shock doesn’t overwhelm me, as I never do this to someone who didn’t act the same way with me before (though I know it doesn’t give me an excuse I know). TODAY, The shock paralyzed me for seconds. It was like I suddenly stopped breathing and every thing was shuttering down. What happened was something trivial in its appearance, its depth was only inside. What shocked me was that I experienced something for the first time, something I was aware of but never experienced so much clearly. It was that sometimes, there are things that can be lost in a second, Feelings than can be killed in a glance, relations that can end in a minute. Sometimes there are no second chances, what so ever no matter how hard you try. And if you are a fair person, someone who can notice his/her own mistakes, you will know how you should have handled the situation. You would feel that no matter what was making you upset, and whatever was waiting that made you too much in a hurry, doesn’t deserve losing what you lost, or hurting the one you care for. You will realize that nothing deserves shouting in a face of a friend, or hitting someone in your way, or forgetting to share a nice moment with a partner or hurting a beloved one. You will know that nothing deserve hurting a beloved one and leave him behind.

I always believed that true relations never end. Friends, couples, partners, we all should support each other in such moments. We should understand and know when thing are said but not meant. BUT, now I am aware that people should not rely on this too much. Cause, sometimes we might not be able to forgive or be forgiven. Some wounds can’t be healed. Some things when broken, are never back the same way.

I am sorry for all those I hurt without noticing the damage I might cause.

I wish this won’t be repeated. I hope you forgive me, not by forgetting the situation or ignoring the fact it happened, but by understanding that I did not mean what I said or what I did.

I wish I can do the same with people who hurt me and left me behind.